Left Behinds

The anti-andrewsullivan.com. Or, the Robin Hood (Maid Marian?) of bright pink Blogger blogs.

Monday, January 02, 2006

The Archaeology of a Face: Courtney Love

After the jump, I conduct an archaeological dig of this face:






How exactly did this happen? Everyone ages, but not everyone turns into that.

Let me begin by noting that I am motivated by a fascination with Courtney that borders on love for the popstar who penned the song that defined my adolescence: When I Was a Teenage Whore. Many of my friends just don't get it. "She's nothing more than a big mess who wrote a few good songs a long time ago, and anyhow she killed Kurt," they say. "She's a rock goddess," I retort with the simple faith of a true believer.

Only a fan would bother with what follows. Anyhow, after the jump I begin my dig.


Courtney: The Archaeology of a Face

Everybody is enjoying hating on Courtney Love right now just because of this:



comparing her to the "cat lady" Jocelyn Wildenstein



or, more cruelly, Eric Stolz in Mask (who does resemble poor Mrs. Wildenstein, as this comparison shows):




but I say, Courtney's finally starting to look like a real human being again. One more nip and tuck



and the only role Courtney was ever going to be able to play again was a middle-aged tranny club queen






(by the way, Sophia: No need to pout when you've purchased I mean got lips like that)

Courtney doesn't look hot or glam now that she's reverted to her natural weight, but hot and glam never really suited her, did they? Keep in mind that she started life like this:


(before she realized just how much makeup she needed to be wearing at all times)




(Courtney has said that puberty was especially cruel to her, and that jaw certainly tells a sad story)








Very very cool, but maybe not so hot. And this wasn't even her chubby phase.

Courtney was someone who probably benefited from a bit of surgery, just to correct that extremely unlucky shake of the genetic dice, but then she got addicted.

Now, 25 years and as many ever-freakier surgeries later, the weight gain somehow brings her back into the flock of humanity. If you squint your eyes she looks kinda like a cool, 40something mom (which is exactly what she is).

No more of that "I need to date a man in his early 20s because they're the only ones who can keep up with me" nonsense. Whether she likes it or not, that's all behind her. You can't pretend you're 25 when you look like this



And that's a good thing.

Even if she's not ready to enter middle age gracefully, her body has already made the decision for her. And for the first time in years I have hope that she might actually rebound and have a healthy future. She might actually have a career as a middle-aged actress.

I know that sounds implausible after seeing all these crazy plastic surgery photos, but the surgery looks more normal now that she's kind of fat. Think Sharon Gless. Not Cagney and Lacey Sharon Gless, of course,



but rootin' tootin', PFLAG-lovin' Queer as Folk Sharon Gless





Fabulous!




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5 Comments:

  • At 1:04 PM, Blogger LL said…

    Haaaaaaaahahahaha! That was a GREAT post, Solomon.

     
  • At 1:50 PM, Blogger Solomon Grundy said…

    ;) Thanks.

     
  • At 8:19 PM, Blogger Evilicious Blonde said…

    God I miss QAF. Brian.....*sigh*....I was so head over heels in love with Brian....

    Fascinating post Solomon. A little scary too, but definitely fascinating!

    :)

     
  • At 3:41 PM, Blogger Solomon Grundy said…

    Thanks. I sent this to a friend of mine and she replied, "Cute, but you're kind of writing about yourself, eh?"

    Bitch! heh.

     
  • At 11:28 AM, Anonymous Viagra Online said…

    I think that Courtney Love is just ugly, and she wants to do is call for attention, she is a bad singer, a bad actress, and the worst part is that she thinks she is so hip and cool, when actually she is not.

     

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